Saturday, May 30, 2009

oh those tails

For those of you unfamiliar with Horsebite history, there has been an extensively sketchy research project regarding the male "ponytail." Our research is ongoing and is constantly updated as new data emerges via observation by our expert research team.

Specimen 1-The basic String Tail-take note of the free flowing display of this examples mane. Research of basic Strings suggest that these creatures are docile compared to their brotherin, yet more aggressive than the average haircut. This String Tail was wearing running shoes(which is not miscongruent within the breed) and was sweating for no reason. Take note of the "jellyfish," shirt; possibly a way to attract other String Tails, or perhaps a boisterous display of marine biology knowledge. This Tail was spotted at a public display of heavy machinery performing novel tasks.

Specimen 2-The Basic Braid Wip-This tail belongs to the more aggressive side of the phylum since more power is stored within the confines of tightly bound tail. This basic braid configuration is a convenient way for this large male to "tie back," for an afternoon stroll without letting any other tails misunderstand his rank amongst the tail family. Take note of the skeleton shark on the shirt, the hungry pants, and the instinctual protection of "his" current heterosexual mate. This tail was photographed between the women's restrooms and a swimming pool where toy battleships fight via remote control.

Specimen 3-Unknown-By definition this tail belongs in the Tight Wip family, yet a threshold must be acknowledged. This tail had more than one binding device(Tight Wip family)but displayed String Tail behavior. Theory currently predicts that this is a young String Tail caught in the rare transitional period of becoming a member of the Tight Wip family. This tail appeared to be confused about his rank within the pack and unfamiliar with his new strength as soon as a new scrunchy was added to his mane. More research is needed. This tail was seen at a display of high performance electric cars.

Specimen 4-I don't know what the fuck this is.

Specimen 5-Basic String-This String was spotted assuming a protective role as it chose to stand amongst its sitting family in order to defend the bloodline at moments notice. This instinctual behavior is a cornerstone of nearly all Ponytail behavior. This is certainly a good Tail who possesses strong paternal instincts which are imperative to the survival or a breed. Please note the chosen attire and the strategic distance from the nearby brood. This tail was photographed at some kind of a non-alcoholic refreshment tent.

Specimen 6-The Vortex String Tail-The Ponytail Chart(PTC) refers to this subject as the "Vortex String." This particular tail has more aggressive characteristics than the average String, but falls short of the Tight Wip side of the tail family. This tail is simply a String Tail(bound by one device) but with overtones of more aggressive behavior due to the way it falls below its binding device. Take note of the sexual mermaid displayed proudly upon this subjects back. This tail was spotted at a place that no ponytail could ignore.

Specimen 7-The Braid Wip(hidden)-See specimen 2. This tail decided to lower its guard by hiding its mane. Interesting.

Specimen 8-New research-Photography limits confined the illustration of this rare moment to a poor snapshot, yet trained eyes can speculate. Here we have a Rat Tail(almost exclusively juvenile) teaching a basic String Tail blacksmith techniques. Ironically, the Rat Tail acted as the mentor while holding a red-hot steel rod, as the Basic String Tail reluctantly learned. Typically the Basic String Tail outranks the Rat Tail, therefore this situation reveals new data for our research team. These tails were seen at a public display of how to make mid evil weapons from ordinary re bar.

1 comment:

Turtle Dick said...

seriously amazing